The Sadness Paradox: Why Sad Music Makes Us Happy
“Music has this unparalleled ability to take all of one’s pain, pull it into a single frame and invite us to relive it with all of the joy of the experience and none of the suffering” — Claudio
Music moves us, it makes us sing out loud in the car, and feel like the main character when we walk down the street. It exalts our emotions and can act as a kind of friend who walks alongside us, through the good and the bad days.
But why are we so drawn to sad music? In a happiness-obsessed society, enjoying melancholic music seems like a contradiction. Why is it that we find comfort in songs that cause these intense emotions of sadness, loss, and longing?
Ancient Greeks are famous for their tragedies, and one Greek philosopher, Aristotle, introduced a theory for why we enjoy tragedy and sadness-inducing art such as music. He called it catharsis, a process in which we are so overcome with uncomfortable emotions that we, somehow, purge them. Now, thousands of years later, various studies have investigated the ‘sadness paradox’ or ‘paradox of pleasurable sadness’ and found that sad music can, indeed, help us process difficult emotions and even help us deal with grief by triggering prolactin production
There are a ton of reasons why we listen to music, in fact, a 2013 study proposed that there are about 126 of them. Here are some reasons why we specifically enjoy sad music and what it does to our brains.
What happens in our brains when we listen to music
Though creativity and art used to be associated with the right side of the brain, music isn’t processed in one distinct region. In fact, fMRI scans show clearly that when we listen to music, several different networks in the brain are at work. Music triggers areas like the hippocampus, where we store memories, and it activates large-scale neuronal networks that process emotions. It also triggers our motor system, the part that is responsible for physical movement, even if we are motionless.
When we listen to music we enjoy, our brains activate the release of neurotransmitters like dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin that cause the pleasurable feeling we experience when we listen to our favorite songs. On the contrary, when we listen to songs we despise, our adrenal glands increase the cortisol levels in our bloodstream.
The effect of melancholic music on our brains, however, is somewhat contradicting. Though we perceive a sad song as tragic and heartbreaking, we experience it much more blithe, romantic, and soothing. In a 2019 study, more than 72% of the participants experienced nostalgia, hopefulness, and a pleasant sense of longing when they listened to sad songs.
“Music that pertains to grief and sorrow is more often found beautiful than music that pertains to joy and happiness because it deals with eudemonic concerns such as self-expression, social connectedness, and existential meaning.” (Sachs et al, 2015)
Our motivation for listening to somber music can vary greatly depending on our personality, past experiences, external circumstances, and mood. Though research on the relationship between music and our emotions is still limited, scientists from different disciplines have agreed that sad music can help us cope with challenging life events, evoke pleasurable feelings, and help us regulate uncomfortable emotions.
Our reaction to sad music can indicate our level of empathy
Sad music can evoke strong physical responses like goosebumps, chills, an increase in heart rate, and even tears. This experience can be described by the Sanskrit word kama muta, meaning ‘moved by love’. We also feel these sensations when we spend time with loved ones, look at captivating art, or read an enchanting novel.
However, not everyone experiences these emotions with the same intensity, and not everyone enjoys sad music the same way. Studies have suggested that people who are drawn to sad music usually display higher levels of empathy and compassion.
“Being moved gives us a sense of deep connection to something beyond our individual selves.” — (Haslam 2017)
The type and intensity of our reaction to sad movies, paintings, literature, and music also tell us more about how imaginative we are. Visualization is an essential part of empathy because it allows us to imagine ourselves in the situation of another person and helps us better understand how they might feel. Our imagination also allows us to ‘escape’ into a song when we are too overwhelmed with our emotions. This could also explain why, sometimes, after listening to melancholic music, we feel a bit dreamy.
Many of us also enjoy listening to the more heartbreaking songs on our playlists because they can help us feel closer to others. Hearing an artist contemplate their emotions that are similar to our own can make us feel less alone in our own experiences.
Sad music can help regulate our emotions
“When I listen to a song that creates these strong, sometimes overwhelming, emotions of sadness and longing for the world ‘out there’, I often think that the song itself doesn’t create these emotions. It doesn’t make me sad because the pain is already there. And it doesn’t cause this yearning because I have felt it for a long time. “
Listening to somber music can help us conquer difficult emotions and process challenging life events. If we listen to sad songs, we permit ourselves to experience, rather than resist, unpleasant emotions. This can help us make sense of our own sentiments and evoke feelings of empathy, tranquility, and nostalgia.
When we find an artist who can transform these, often indescribable, emotions into melodies and lyrics, we can find comfort in their music. A study concluded that listening to someone else pondering over their own struggles reminds us that suffering is a universal human experience. This understanding can soothe us when we are overcome with challenging emotions and help improve our outlook on life.
When we face difficult circumstances, we are often more drawn to melancholic music to help us cope with a new situation. Sad songs can also allow us to let go of unprocessed emotions by helping us re-experience feelings and work through them.
A study on the Paradox of Music-Evoked Sadness found that people also use sad songs to release build-up emotions and regulate their feelings.
According to the study, when we had an intense week, for example, listening to pensive music can create simulated sadness that helps us process our emotions better by letting us contemplate and reflect on how we feel. In this way, music acts as a safe space where we can safely experience these ‘artificial’ emotions, which can help us ease emotional numbness and lift our moods.
‘The good old days’ — Music triggers nostalgia
“Nostalgia serves a crucial existential function. It brings to mind cherished experiences that assure us we are valued people who have meaningful lives.” — Dr. Routledge
Many of our dearest memories are tied to music. Songs can take us back to our childhood, they remind us of our first love (and heartbreak) and the time we watched our best friend get married. Music lets us relive the emotions we felt at the time and takes us to that space between joy and sorrow where we feel nostalgic.
“Nostalgia is best described as a self-regulatory existential resource that people naturally and frequently use to navigate stress and uncertainty and find the motivation needed to move forward with purpose and focus.” — Dr. Routledge
Dr. Sedikides, a professor of social psychology, emphasized that nostalgia can help us feel less lonely and ease anxiety. Sharing nostalgic moments with others can bring us closer together, strengthen our relationships, and make us more open to strangers.
Of course, we do not only remember the good days. Our memories can also be depressing.
Researchers in the 70s and 80s argued that nostalgia could worsen the feeling of self-discontinuity, a sense of loss of the old self, the self that only exists in our memories. Someone who we aren’t anymore.
Studies, however, show that nostalgia can counteract self-discontinuity and be a place where we go to find comfort. Dr. Clay Routledge, a leading expert in existential psychology, says that nostalgia can actually lift our moods, improve our outlook on life, and “mobilizes us to pursue the goals that are meaningful to us.”
“Don’t let the past remind us of what we are not now.” — Stephen Stills, Suite: Judy Blue Eyes
In a series of experiments with an international group of adults, researchers played old, wistful songs to induce nostalgia. The group who listened to the music was more likely to say that they feel “loved” and that “life is worth living” compared to the control group.
“The brief stroll down memory lane apparently made life seem worthwhile.” — Tierney, NYT
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There are numerous different reasons why we are so drawn to sad music. For many of us, music might also remind us of our neglected goals, forgotten dreams, and unfulfilled needs.
When I listen to a song that creates these strong, sometimes overwhelming, emotions of sadness and longing for the world ‘out there’, I often think that the song itself doesn’t create these emotions. It doesn’t make me sad because the pain is already there. And it doesn’t cause this yearning because I have felt it for a long time.
I believe that, sometimes, music doesn’t take us to a new place but brings us back to a familiar one.
